Ready? Set. Transfer! Meet our "Underdawgs"

World, meet our Underdawgs. Underdawgs, meet world!

Tre fratelli e sorelle

I had my 5th In Vitro transfer today.

It sounds weird to write it and even more strange to say it out loud. I just can't believe this in my life sometimes. How did I get here and what does it all mean?? Well, I will work on that condundrum later...

We had three frozen embryos from our fresh cycle last June. We had six frozen initially, but our last transfer a year ago proved to be a bust, so we were saving the best for last.

When they were being tranfered, I saw them on the ultrasound screen - they were in a globe of light and I like that imagery, so that is how I am seeing them in my womb. It's amazing to me that all three made it out of the deep freeze - they make me proud already.

My transfer went well. I don't think I drank enough water, but I was worried I'd overdue it like I have been known to do. Most of the time I can barely lay for the suggested 20 minutes after transfer because I feel like my eyeballs are floating. Gross, I know, but those of you that have done transfers know how "important" it is to have your bladder pressing down on your uterus so they can see where to put the little blobs.

I go back to my RE for a progesterone check on Saturday and then my beta is next Saturday the 14th. I like how thorough my RE(#3) is... though he still doesn't believe in "thinking outside the box" when it come to protocols, his office does run a tight ship. All things that put ones jittery nerves at rest when everything becomes a variable.

I think I am in a state of shock. Partly for the points I made at the beginning of this post and also because I feel like I am having an outer-body experience. I see so many pregnant women on any given day and they have begun to look like aliens to me. I have been on this side of the fence for so long, too long, and I really can't imagine what it must be like to be a pregnant woman.... a happy pregnant woman. I want it so badly, but I am almost terrified of it. Infertility I know, but pregnancy, child-birth, parenthood... what the hell is that?

I am scared. Scared that this cycle won't work and scared that it will.

Breathe in, breathe out.... I write that a lot, but I always have to remind myself to look at what is in front of me and honor it without wondering what comes next.

So in honor of my less-than-2WW, I am going to rest and relax and just for today, if you all don't mind, I am going to pretend that I am pregnant, just so I can warm up to the idea of it... you know, kinda try it on for size.

Many thanks to all of you for your support and encouragement.

I am ready to be a mommy... there, I said it.... well wrote it, at least.

Gooooooooooooooooooooo Underdawgs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!