Oh, the Places You'll Go!

Sometimes I forget that I have trouble conceiving...that I am one of those women. I go on about my day, business as usual, passing people, many people on the busy NY streets, cars pass, buses honk and taxi cars are dodged. I get to work, laugh with my co-workers, think about what I will make Sweet Guy for dinner and then BAM! A young mother walks in, pushing her Bugaboo or a pregnant woman asks which of our pants are best for spinning classes... wha? Huh?

I have been doing so well these days - as posted in my last post, the past couple of months, through the holidays, I managed to enjoy life. Not just a little, I mean I actually lost track of time and space. I have drowned myself in social events and have been having so much fun I have literally forgotten about my empty womb.

Until today.

Infertility can only be a stranger for so long and then it comes back, front and center like that damn PMS zit. I tried to keep her at bay for as long as possible - 2 months is pretty good, no?

It's official. This month marks the 5 year anniversary of  Sweet Guy and I embarking on "we are planning to have a family." F-I-V-E YEARS.... what kind of nonsense is that? Who does that? Who goes through this kind on madness and actually survives with any sense of themselves in the end... is there ever an end? Please tell me there is an end!??

Oh how naive I was 5 years ago - 34 and thinking I'd have 2 kids by 40 and be done. Happy and done. Now I am lucky if I get pregnant before I turn 40 and as it stands now, "done" isn't in my vocabulary. Though exhaustion often temps me to throw in the towel.... needles, progesterone-in-oil and lupron can kiss my ass!

So here I am. These are the places I have been and who knows where I will go. When I was 7, I met Dr. Seuss. My mom, yes, the same amazing mother that hired dear ol' St. Nick, designed costumes for an amazing play of another great book, Bartholomew Cubbins and the 500 Hats. It was the first time any of Dr. Seuss' books had been creatively interpreted into a play. It was a big deal, so big that Mr. Seuss came to opening night (he was very old and frail and reminded me of Col Sanders). That, along with meeting Santa, is a childhood memory that still creates butterflies in my heart. Dr. Seuss is my idol - brilliant, brilliant man with a huge heart, a wild imagination and a love for child-like philosophies.

So, in memory of Dr. Seuss, and the innocence I harnessed 5 years ago, I give you inspiration to continue along this tempestuous road:

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own.
And you know what you know.
And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go.

You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed.
You’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you’ll be the best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.


I'm sorry to say so
But, sadly it's true
That bang-ups and hang-ups
Can happen to you.


On and on you will hike, And I know you’ll hike far
and face up to your problems whatever they are.

You’ll get mixed up of course, as you already know.
You’ll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go.


So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
And remember that Life’s a great balancing act.

Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.

And never mix up your right foot with your left.

Will you succeed?

Yes you will indeed!